Sex Life In the Tank? Six Suggestions For Getting Back on Track
The movie, Hope Springs, with Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones, which describes a couple that, have fallen out of love and had their sex life in the tank. With the help of a therapist, staring Steve Carrell, they were able to rekindle the sexual fire that they once had. What can you do if the same thing is happening to you?
Try Something New-It Is The Spice of Line
There’s biological evidence that novel experiences, both sexual and non-sexual, cause the release of dopamine in the brain. Dopamine is a chemical messenger that’s connected to the pleasure center in your brain. Remember how exciting your romance was when you first met and first had sexual intimacy? That’s because the romance was novel and everything is novel and your brain responds accordingly.
Be creative. Try a different place, a different time, a different position, a new sex toy. Sex every Saturday night in bed with papa on top for 4 minutes is not going to cut it. Try having a morning quickie. Attempt sex in the shower, or on the kitchen island. Do it on the floor or in the changing room at Victoria’s Secret. It isn’t a secret that you won’t be the first couple that tried that venue! Try it at 25,000 feet on your next flight.
Got a headache or are too tired? Take a Romantic Break
All couples are tired at the end of a long day with many demands. By the time you get everyone to bed and deal with unavoidable chores, you just don’t have the energy for a romantic evening.
Instead of waiting until just before you put out the lights, take a break from the computer the newspaper or a TV show (unless it is Modern Family) for a romantic encounter before going night-night.
Take Your Sex Life Off of the Back Burner
Make a date with your partner. Set aside one day a week to have time together. Hire a baby sitter and leave the home for something special. I don’t suggest that you go for the humdrum such as dinner and a movie thing, which seems like it’s supposed to be a lead-in to sex. Instead tray a shared experience such as biking, bowling, or something silly. Return from your night out with new sexual vigor and you can be sure you will be singing, “Come on baby light my fire!” Now don’t make date-night a once upon a time event. Make it a priority and stick to it like you stick to the other obligations on your schedule. Let it become a habit, and you’ll feel reconnected, and the desire will just grow from there.
If It Hurts, Get Help-NOW
Sometimes it’s not that you’re not feeling in the mood, it’s that your body isn’t cooperating because sex is actually painful. This can be a big issue for women approaching menopause, and you might be too embarrassed to tell your partner. It is entirely normal for women to have vaginal dryness after menopause. When the vaginal lining becomes thin and dry this can result in painful intercourse. This pain is due to an estrogen deficiency and can be corrected with oral or topical estrogen creams or vaginal tablets.
For women who have had breast cancer and should not use any estrogen supplements, there are lubricating jellies like K-Y jelly Vaseline, or Replens that do not contain any estrogens but do decrease the friction and pain associated with sexual intimacy.
Some men have a condition called Peyroine’s disease, which results in a significant bend of the penis resulting in pain for both the man and the women. There are treatments for this condition and men should see their urologist. (For more information on Peyroine’s disease see my YouTube video at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qkZZPBdWztY)
Your Libido or Sex Drive Has Mysteriously Disappeared
A dwindling libido may not just be a sign of aging. It may be the sign of another health problem or behavioral issue. For example: Depression, anxiety, and hormonal imbalances can all contribute to sexual dysfunction. In men, the inability to get an erection can be an early warning sign of diabetes or heart disease, or testosterone deficiency. Some medications, including antidepressants and blood pressure drugs, can lower your sex drive. Smoking and excessive alcohol consumption can put a damper on sexual response. Even too much time on the bike can lead to problems in bed. Both men and women who are always on their spin bike or the small seat on a road bike can have problems with orgasm and arousal, because of the pressure put on the nerves and blood vessels that supply the penis or the vagina. Sleep apnea can also be a culprit and can lead to lack of oxygenation of the genital tissues. See blog (https://neilbaum.wordpress.com/2012/08/17/not-enough-sleep-can-lead-to-not-enough-sex/) for more information on sleep apnea and its treatment.
Bottom Line: Sex at age 20 is easy and fun and occurs without any effort. Sex in mid life can take some work, effort, and time. Invest in your relationship; you will be happier, healthier, and will have more love and affection from your partner. If that isn’t reason enough to get your sex life back on track, tell your partner that Dr. Baum prescribed it!
If you have any ideas for putting the fire and passion back into your relationships, let me hear from you. I’m always looking for new ideas. Don’t hold back. No idea is too wild or far out.
This blog was modified from a recent post on WebMD by Gina Shaw (https://mail.google.com/mail/u/0/?hl=en&shva=1#inbox/13939af485fb6048)